GNT #189: I jumped out of a plane on a full stomach

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At Skydive North Star in Waseca, Minnesota, there's a board on the wall that keeps a tally of every jumper. How many jumped. How many refused at the last second. And a row of tick marks for the people who threw up.

I read that board right after finding out my jump was on, with a full plate of Mexican food in my stomach.

A few weeks ago I told you I'd said yes to skydiving with my friend Bhavika. Well… I did it. And the hardest part of the day wasn't 12,000 feet. It was the hours on the ground before it, when nobody could tell us whether it was happening at all because of clouds.

That day showed me two things that stand out in my memory: a maybe can cost you more than the hard thing does, and getting through something is not the same as being there for it.

Let's dig in.

The maybe is heavier than the thing

The weather kept pushing our jump back. We were supposed to be there at ten, and at 11:45 we were still waiting, deciding whether to go home or give it until after lunch.

On a walk with Bhavika and our friend Jenica who joined us for the jump, we talked about why the waiting felt so hard. We didn't know whether to get our heads in the game or let ourselves relax, so we were trying to do both. We were getting ready for two different days at once.

You probably have a maybe like that right now. A client who hasn't signed. A decision you've half-made. A conversation you keep telling yourself you'll have next week. Nothing is happening yet, and it's still taking your energy, because part of you is bracing for it and part of you is hoping it goes away.

What helped me was trusting myself with both answers. If the jump was on, I knew I could suit up and get my mental game on. If it wasn't, I could be okay with that. Once both answers were settled, I could stop carrying the question around.

Try it with your own maybe. Write one sentence for "if it happens" and one for "if it doesn't." Can you be okay with both?

Getting through isn't the same as being there

I went in with a plan. I've gotten through hard things before by taking myself out of them mentally, so if it was too much I would just zone out. That’s how I would get through the jump.

It would have worked. That's what makes it tempting.

As the plane circled higher, I realized I had a choice. I could check out like I'd planned, or I could accept that I was really doing this and be there for it.

I stayed. And because I stayed, I got all of it. The stickers on the walls of the plane that made me laugh. The pilot, who was wearing a parachute. The free fall with my eyes wide open. And then the most peaceful few minutes under the canopy, looking at how big the world is.

A lot of capable people are very good at getting through. The busy season, the launch, the hard year. We put our heads down and tell ourselves we'll be present on the other side. The work still gets done. We just aren't there for much of it, including the parts that were good.

Why closing the question worked

The calm didn't show up when I felt ready. It showed up when the question was closed.

When they told us the jump was on, I stopped arguing with it. I had chosen this. If I puked, I puked. Closing the question is what freed up my attention for everything that came next.

Acceptance, the way I felt it that day, isn't giving up, and it isn't pretending you aren't scared. It's deciding, so you can stop negotiating with the thing and put that energy into what's in front of you.

Takeaway

Most of the hard things in your life will get done either way. What you get to choose is whether you spend them braced, checked out, and still arguing, or whether you close the question and show up for them.

So I'll leave you with this:

What's one maybe you can accept or let go of this week?

I'm always rooting for you. See you next week.

-Colleen

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p.s. Ed filmed my landing, and in the background you can hear my kids yelling, "That's my mom! She's doing it!" Bhavika, Jenica and I are talking about making this a yearly thing, to prove to ourselves we can do hard things. (Next time, lunch after.)