GNT #129: Birthday misogi

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Many years ago, when I worked in downtown St. Paul, I trained with a personal trainer named Lesley over my lunch break.

Lesley was older than me, but you’d never know it.

She was full of energy, grounded, strong, and magnetic. She moved with ease and presence. The kind of woman who made you think, I hope I move like that when I’m her age.

She taught me kettlebell training and proper hip hinge mechanics. But the thing I remember most was her birthday ritual.

Every year on her birthday, Lesley would run the Walnut Street stairs next to the historic James J. Hill House—one rep (down and up) for every year of her life.

In 2020, the city abruptly closed the Walnut stairs due to a lack of funding. Lesley was devastated, but she didn’t stop. She pivoted to the Laurel Steps in Stillwater.

A few years ago, I decided to start a birthday tradition of my own. I experimented with different challenges and eventually landed on the Laurel Steps, too.

This year, on my 42nd birthday, I did 42 reps.

I don’t run it. I take it slow. But it was a quiet honoring of another year around the sun—and honestly, the perfect day to do something hard while birthday texts and calls roll in!

In today’s newsletter, I want to peel back the layers of what I now think of as a birthday misogi (Japanese word for a challenge meant to cleanse the body and spirit)—a ritual that marks the year not with cake, but with clarity.

We’ll look at:

• Why doing something hard on your birthday can shift how you grow
• What it reveals about resilience and self-leadership
• And how to start a simple birthday misogi of your own

Let’s dig in. 

Why do something hard on your birthday?

There’s something almost poetic about choosing to do something physically or mentally challenging on the one day a year that’s supposed to be all about ease.

It flips the energy of the whole day! Instead of waiting for life to shower you with something: love, attention, gifts, validation...

You’re giving yourself something more lasting: resilience, presence, and the kind of self-leadership that shows up in every other part of your life.

The birthday misogi is not meant to be performative, and it's not for anyone else. It's a private contract between you and who you're becoming. It’s a space to reflect, not just on your age, but on how you’re living your values and who you’re becoming.

It doesn’t need to be extreme. What matters is that it’s consistent, challenging, and yours.

My birthday misogi

I'll be honest, 42 reps is a lot.

It took me four hours to finish the steps. Not because I was pushing hard, but because I was being intentional. I was listening to my body, trying to keep good form and a sustainable pace I could maintain.

As I climbed, I found myself thinking about a lot of things, but especially about sustainability and longevity. About how important it is to keep showing up—not in dramatic, all-or-nothing ways—but slowly, steadily, with purpose.

I thought about how much can change in a year. And also how much can be built with just 1% more effort, one step at a time.

I thought about the power of pivoting when needed. Not forcing things that no longer fit. Listening to your body. Adjusting your pace. Honoring where you are, not where you wish you were.

I was humbled and full of respect for what the human body can do. Not because I’m an athlete (I'm not), but because I’ve learned what’s possible with a grounded, committed mindset.

Most of all, with Ed and the kids cheering me on, I thought about what it means to be a model for my kids and others. Knowing it wasn't showing off, but that I was acting like a mirror of sorts, showing others what’s possible so they can create more possibility.

My kids watched me set a goal, get tired, and keep going. They saw me move through discomfort. They saw me finish.

Every so often, I’d stop and jot down a few words in my journal...reflections I’ll carry with me through the rest of the year.

And don’t worry, it wasn’t all work and no joy...

After the steps, we cleaned up and grabbed a late lunch at one of my favorite spots: San Pedro Café in Hudson. All my happy place foods: jerk chicken nachos, shrimp St. Croix, and key lime pie with fresh whipped cream. When we got home, I slipped into a long bath and snuggled into bed with my family to read books.

It was an incredible day of challenge, reflection, and celebration.
 

How to create your birthday misogi

If you’re intrigued by this idea, here’s how to begin designing your version that feels meaningful, challenging, and completely yours.

1. Define what “challenge” means to you right now

The misogi isn't about impressing anyone. It’s about stretching your edge, physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Ask yourself:

• What would be hard for me to commit to, but deeply satisfying to complete?
• What would feel meaningful to repeat every year?

For some, that might be reps of movement. For others, it might be writing 10 letters, walking 10 miles, spending 60 minutes in silence, or cleaning out 40 things that no longer serve them.

2. Let it grow with you

Think about it, but don’t overthink it. You don’t have to commit to something for the rest of your life. Just choose one version to try this year.

Then pay attention:

• Did it stretch you in the way you hoped?
• Did it create space for reflection?
• Did it leave you with something lasting?

If yes, keep going. If not, adjust. That’s the beauty of this kind of ritual. It evolves with you.

What matters most is that the intention builds over time. Here are a few formats that can scale year after year:

• One rep per year (like steps, pushups, kettlebell swings, etc.)
• One mile, minute, or page per year
• One personal reflection, bold ask, or act of service per year

But it doesn’t have to be a strict number. You might do a single misogi challenge each year that simply stretches you in this particular season of life.

Start where you are. And let it become what it needs to be.

3. Create space around it

The misogi isn’t a checkbox on your to-do list. It’s not something to wedge in between meetings or squeeze into an already-full weekend.

Give yourself some room.

Misogis reveal things when you’re not rushing. They need mental space.

Build a container around it—before, during, and after—so you can actually process the experience.

A few ways to do that:

• Prepare for the experience. What do you need to do, bring, or consider beforehand?
• Have a journal or use voice memos and jot down anything that comes up along the way, even if it seems silly or insignificant
• End with something grounding like a nourishing meal, a long bath, time in nature, or just quiet reflection

The ritual itself matters. But so does how you hold it and what it teaches you.

Takeaway

At its core, the birthday misogi is a ritual of self-leadership.

A way to block time for reflection. To step outside the swirl of your year and to mark that moment with meaning other than just balloons and gifts. Something that actually brings you back to yourself.

For Lesley and me, that looks like steps on a quiet staircase. For you, it might be a long solo walk, a writing challenge, volunteering, or something entirely different.

The structure doesn’t matter as much as showing up.

So if your next birthday is coming up, block some time.
Choose a challenge.
Let it teach you something.

And if you still want cake after? You’ve earned it!

I’m always rooting for you. See you next week.

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If you liked this article, you might also like:

GNT #083: Embrace Your Rivals
GNT #088: These 9 Reframes Change Everything
GNT #085: Defining Core Values Can Change Your Life

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