GNT #015: 5 hard pills to swallow to get unstuck

Read time: 4.5 minutes

Are you feeling stuck?

Unsure what action to take next.

In today's post I'll move a bit outside my typical business growth tactics to address this challenge that we all face at some point in life.

"If you want to work on your art, work on your life." - Anton Chekhov

I think the same applies to our career and business.

These are 5 hard pills to swallow, but I hope they'll help you get unstuck.

#1 - To move forward you need to embrace radical ownership of what's in your control, and radical acceptance of what's not.

Jocko Willink and Leif Babin talk about ownership in their book "Extreme Ownership."

And the concept that to find peace -- we must accept the reality that life is inherently difficult -- is an idea that has been discussed throughout history.

I remember reading "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl back in high school. Frankl talked about acceptance and finding purpose in life, even in the face of immense suffering.

His words hit me hard back then because yes, he wrote about his experiences in concentration camps, but also I read it at a time I was deep in depression and grief after losing my mom to cancer.

Radical ownership. Radical acceptance.

In 2020 I felt stuck, stagnant, and caged in a career path I realized didn't serve who I was becoming. I made the choice to leave the employee world and started a portfolio of businesses, consulting work, and projects that interested me.

I defined what was in my control and what was not.

Easier said than done. Tough pill to swallow.

But if you're feeling stuck in business or in life, this might be a good place to start.

#2 - You will never make lasting changes until you forgive your past self

We all have that part of ourselves we hide away.

Past selves, actions, emotions, traits, that we're ashamed or embarrassed of.

That we believe are unworthy.

Swiss psychiatrist Carol Jung wrote about this "shadow" concept. And psychiatrist Phil Stutz (who you might recognize from the Netflix documentary, Stutz) took these concepts further to help us heal the relationship with ourselves.

The idea is that by denying these hidden parts of ourselves, we create a split within us, separating us from our true selves and causing us to feel incomplete.

But, by embracing and forgiving our shadow - and integrating it into our sense of self, we can feel more whole and authentic.

(And we don't have to be defined by our job or business to feel whole)

Feeling whole = accepting all parts of ourselves.

Accepting ourselves = freedom from worry about how others perceive us.

For me, in life and business, I have to spend a good deal of time managing anxiety to continue taking action.

Forgiveness of self gives me more freedom to make choices and move forward without as much worry about what people think.

(My shadow is me at 13, consumed with grief, feeling broken and weak. My shadow now comes with me and has helped me become stronger and more resilient.)

It's a tough pill and concept to grasp.

But it's a tool to get unstuck.

If you're interested in learning more about wholeness and forgiveness of self, check out Phil Stutz' books "The Tools" and "Coming Alive". I've read summaries of both and I'm looking forward to reading them cover to cover in my summer reading list!

#3 - You don't need to change the world around you. You need to change how you perceive it.

In the book, "The Upside of Stress", Health psychologist Kelly McGonigal argues that stress itself is not necessarily harmful.

But it's our perception of stress that determines its impact on our health and life.

I've come to realize when I feel stuck, it's not always because of my external circumstances.

Many times, it's due of my own perceptions and subconscious beliefs about the situation.

For instance, I learned I tend to:

• put unnecessarily high standards on myself and my output that no-one else would expect (perception of expectations)
• tie my worth as a human to my job and impact (perception of worthiness)

And if we examine a "stuck" situation more closely, we may realize we feel stuck due to factors that are actually within our control.

We have the ability to change our perception.

Tough pill to swallow.

But by changing our perception, we can begin to see new opportunities and possibilities for growth.

2 questions to ask yourself when feeling stuck:

1. What beliefs or assumptions am I holding on to that might be limiting me?
2. What if I saw this situation as a challenge vs. a threat?

#4 - If you really wanted it, you would make time for it.

Truth bomb -- It's not a "time" issue. It's a "priority" issue.

If we truly want something, we will find a way to make it happen.

3 questions to ask yourself when feeling stuck:

1. How much do I really want this?
2. Am I willing to make it a priority and carve out time to work towards it?
3. What sacrifices am I willing to make?

Tough pill.

But by taking the time to consider it, you might realize that you don't really want it anymore and can let it go (it's OK to change our minds!).

Or, maybe this is your sign to start making it a priority.

#5 - Living my best life requires that I take care of the body I was given.

My physical body is the way I interact with the world around me. It allows me to develop relationships with others and also myself.

For me, being and feeling healthy gives me energy to create the life and business I want.

This is not my normal tendency.

(I recall the countless all-nighters I've pulled to finish work or how mom-brain pulls me to prioritize others before myself.)

When we're feeling stuck and so focused on our problem or challenge, it's easy to neglect our physical health and well-being.

Tough pill.

But as the saying goes, "a healthy body leads to a healthy mind."

Takeaways

Today's prescription for getting unstuck:

1. Radical ownership, radical acceptance.
2. Forgive and accept yourself.
3. Don't change the world. Change your perception.
   
4. Do you really want it? Prioritize it. If not, let it go.
   
5. Take care of the body you were given.

I hope this article was helpful.

It came from my whole heart.

See you again next week!



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