GNT #134: Hiding your flaws is killing your connection

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I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to overcompensate for certain things I don’t love about myself.

I’ve always been a bit of a people pleaser. I hate saying no, even when I know I should. I have a terrible memory. (Seriously, if I don’t write it down, it’s gone.) And I’ve often felt like this strange blend of being sharp and strategic, but also scatterbrained and ditzy at times.

For a long time, I tried to cover these parts up. To show up more polished and more in control. "Don’t show the scatterbrain... Don’t give anyone a reason to doubt you."

But I’ve noticed something interesting over the last few years:

The moments when I’m most honest about those flaws...

When I say “I don’t know.”
Or admit I forgot something.
Or just let people see that I'm working on the overthinking, over-giving, over-stretching version of me...

That’s when people lean in a little closer. That’s when connection happens.

It turns out there’s actual psychology behind this. It’s called the Pratfall Effect, and it shows that we feel more connected to competent people after they show a small flaw, not because the mistake is impressive, but because it makes them human and approachable. More like us.

But today's newsletter isn’t about psychology. It’s about how we build real trust in our work, our messaging, and our relationships - and why our striving for perfection often gets in the way.

Let’s dig in.
 

The illusion of perfection is quietly repelling people

Whether you’re a consultant, expert, founder, or team leader, there’s this invisible pressure to always be “on.” You’re the one who’s supposed to have the answers. The one people trust to be the calm, prepared, confident presence in the room.

So we polish, rehearse, and tighten up the language. We smooth out the edges before we hit publish or walk into a meeting.

And while competence absolutely matters, when that polish crosses the line into performance - that’s when connection suffers.

Because you stop sounding like a real person. And start sounding like someone trying a little too hard not to mess up.

When the goal is trust and connection, performance doesn’t work. It creates distance.

I’ve absolutely caught myself doing this. Someone once told me I sounded like a politician. They were right. I was so focused on coming across as thoughtful and prepared, I’d edited out what was real. Now I jokingly call it my “politician talk” and try to catch myself when I slip into it.
 

What this looks like in practice

• Trying to have an answer for everything
• Dodging vulnerability under the mask of “professionalism”
• Talking yourself out of posting or pitching because it’s not quite perfect
• Being overly rehearsed in sales or team conversations
• Avoiding a story or reflection that could be powerful, just because it’s imperfect

The cost:

You might be seen as capable, but you’re not fully trusted.

So how do we show competence while building trust?

You thought I was going to say oversharing, right? Leading with your flaws? 

Nope.

But we do need to own our flaws with clarity, and let them show just enough to signal honesty.

Here are a few ways I've found this works in the real world:

1. Acknowledge, recenter, move on

You don't need to dwell on your flaws. Just show you're aware of them, then bring it back to your strengths.

I've used phrases like:

“This is where my brain tends to overcomplicate things. Let’s simplify it together.”
"My memory isn't always the greatest, so I've built systems to keep things tight."

It's just a one-line moment, but it really changes the energy. People relax, you become real. You're still seen as competent, but more accessible.

2. Stop editing yourself out of your own message

The best insights come from lived experience, and sometimes the parts of us we’re trying to hide are the exact source of what makes our work powerful.

Instead of trying to write or present from a place of “having it all together,” try starting from:

“What do I know to be true, even if it’s messy?”
“What do I actually want to say here?”
“Where have I seen this play out in real life?”

That version of your message will connect more than the polished one.

I was once in a strategy session with a founder looking to restructure her offer suite. Mid-call, she asked something I hadn’t prepped for, and I could feel myself slipping into “sounding smart” mode.

I caught it, paused, and said, “You know what, I don’t have the perfect answer off the top of my head, but here’s how I’d start thinking about it if it were my business.”

3. Use your flaws as filters

I'm not saying you need to brand your flaws. But you can be clear about what comes with working with you.

“If you need someone super detail-obsessed, I’m probably not the right fit. But if you want strategic clarity, quick execution, and strong ideas, that's my sweet spot.”

This kind of positioning shows self-awareness and confidence.

It draws the right people in, while gently pushing the wrong ones out.
 

Takeaway

Here's what I want to leave you with today:

The people you want to connect with - clients, collaborators, your team, your community - they don’t want perfect.

They want someone who knows themselves.
Someone who’s done the work to show up honestly, not performatively.
Someone who’s competent and human.

Trust that the real version of you, flaws and all, is actually more credible, more trustworthy, and more magnetic than the perfect version ever was.

I’m always rooting for you. See you next week.

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If you liked this article, you might also like:

GNT #065: Make your mistakes well
GNT #56: How to ask for testimonials and use them to sell more
GNT #44: 7 Crazy Simple Questions to Transform Your Week

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