GNT #162: The high cost of "winning"

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read time: 2 minutes

TL;DR: Win-lose thinking is a tax on your growth. When you shift to a "win-win-win" paradigm, solving for yourself, your partner, and the community, that friction disappears, and momentum becomes sustainable. Today, I’ll show you how to find the third win.

Most of us were raised to believe that for us to win, someone else has to lose.

It’s the "pie" mentality. If I want a bigger slice, your slice has to get smaller. We see it in high-stakes negotiations, competition for clients, and even how we manage our own teams.

But here’s the reality I’ve learned firsthand:

→ Win-lose thinking is exhausting.

It creates "emotional armor." It breeds defensiveness. And honestly, it’s a slow, heavy way to grow. When you’re constantly looking out for #1, you end up building walls instead of bridges.

In today’s newsletter, we’re going to break down why a "Triple Win" isn’t just a nice sentiment, it’s a sophisticated growth strategy. I’ll show you how to move past strict self-interest to create outcomes that actually last.

Let’s get to it.

The Power of the Third Win

We often think of business as a two-way street: me and the customer. Me and the partner.

But the most resilient growth happens when you add a third stakeholder: The Community.

I saw this clearly in the early days of CIOs Against Cancer, a business community I helped start in 2020 that gained traction quickly. If we had approached it with a "what can we get" mindset, it wouldn't have lasted. We looked for the intersection of needs where everyone felt they were gaining:

• The IT Leaders gained a high-level, meaningful network of peers.

• The Business Partners gained a way to support their clients that actually mattered.

• The American Cancer Society gained millions in sustainable research funding.

When you align those values, you aren't just "doing business" anymore. You’re nurturing a network that wants you to succeed because your success is their success.

How to Operationalize the Triple Win

If the "win-win-win" is a skill, how do you actually practice it?

Here is where you could start.

1. Shift your perspective

Move out of strict self-interest. In your next meeting, stop thinking about your "ask" for a moment. Ask: What does the person across from me actually need, and who are they trying to serve? You can't find a win if you don't know what victory looks like for them.

2. Check your ego

Win-lose paradigms are usually fueled by a need to "beat" the other side. Notice if you feel defensive or closed off. A triple win requires an open heart and better listening. You have to be willing to let go of the "standard" result to find a better one.

3. Unleash creative imagination

The best solutions usually aren't the ones currently on the table. If you're stuck at an impasse, it’s likely because you’re still thinking in "either/or." Use your imagination to find a "third way" that benefits the larger community or industry.

4. Notice the friction

Conflict happens when someone feels they are losing. When you work from a win-win-win framework, you have fewer conflicts because you solve problems before they escalate. If a project feels "heavy" or full of friction, check to see who is currently losing.

Takeaway

Maybe you don't need to fight harder for your slice of the pie.

Maybe you need to bake a bigger pie.

When you solve for yourself, your partner, and the community, you stop "pushing" for growth and start creating a gravity that pulls people toward you.

That is how you grow on purpose.

I'm always rooting for you. See you next week.

-Colleen

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