GNT #140: The surprising science of great conversation

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Ever feel weird starting a new conversation?

Me too.

A few weeks ago, my friend Dr. Andrews invited me to sit on a panel at the University of Minnesota, talking with her business sales students about networking. What surprised me most wasn’t their questions about LinkedIn or how to get introductions - it was the anxiety about the conversation itself. What do I say? How do I start? What if it’s awkward?

And honestly? It’s not just students. I see this everywhere, from boardrooms to the parents' backyard BBQ I went to last weekend. We all grew up hearing “communication is important,” but most of us never learned how to actually do it in a way that feels natural for us, builds trust, and opens doors.

The good news: conversation is a skill you can practice and improve, just like anything else that matters in business and life.

Today, let’s break down 3 powerful habits I’ve seen work - both in my own life and with clients - for having better conversations anywhere.

Let’s get to it.

Habit #1: Plan, but stay curious

The research:
Most people never prep before a conversation. But even 30 seconds of jotting down 2-3 topics or questions makes your conversation flow, lowers anxiety, and helps you go deeper than “so, what do you do?”

How to try it:

• Before your next meeting, event, or coffee chat with someone, write down one thing you’re genuinely curious about.

• Keep a go-to question in your back pocket. One of my favorites: What are you most excited about today?

• If you ever get stuck, ask about something in their environment - a book they’re carrying, a pin they’re wearing, or even the coffee they ordered. Specific, present-moment questions spark real answers.

Habit #2: Make it a two-way street

The research:
We think asking questions could come off as pushy or nosy, but people love it when you show genuine interest. Follow-up questions (not just “What do you do?” but “How did you get into that?”) are a fast track to likeability and connection. And yes, even “sensitive” questions usually land better than we expect.

How to try it:

• Ask a follow-up every time someone answers you. (“Tell me more about that…”)

• Listen for “cue words” you can latch onto: a place, an event, a feeling mentioned in passing.

• Give a sincere compliment, or share a call-back to something from earlier in the conversation. It shows your engagement and interest.

Step 3: Embrace imperfection (and end on time)

The research:
Most conversations don’t end when both people want them to. We overthink how we’re coming across, and we fear awkward silences or switching topics too quickly. But the science shows conversations that cover more ground, include a few laughs (even awkward ones), and wrap up before they drag on are the ones people enjoy most.

How to try it:

• If you hit an awkward pause, try switching topics instead of filling the silence.

• Don’t be afraid to say, “This was great, let’s catch up again soon,” and end a little earlier than you think you should.

• Before wrapping up, quickly recap something interesting you talked about (“I loved hearing about...”). It leaves the other person feeling seen and the conversation feeling complete.

Try it 

Pick one of these habits to focus on in your next conversation at work, with your next networking intro, or even when you're sitting next to another parent at swimming lessons.

• Prep one question or pull from your go-to questions

• Ask one genuine follow-up.

• End the conversation before it fizzles.

Notice what changes. Then send me an email and let me know how it worked for you. I always love hearing from you!
 

I'm always rooting for you. See you next week.

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If you liked this article, you might also like:

GNT #117: Small talk
GNT #58: Grow your Network by Cheering for Others
GNT #40: 9 tips for navigating crowded events
GNT #078: 👉 This Weekly Habit Changed Everything

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