GNT #121: How to figure out what you really want

read time: 4 minutes

If I asked you right now: “What do you really want?”

Could you answer with clarity and confidence?

Or would your mind jump to a list of surface-level goals that sound good but maybe… don’t feel quite true?

This was me pre-2020. It took the quiet chaos of that year to finally crack something open. That’s when I started doing the kind of soul-searching that showed me what I actually wanted — in life, in work, in how I spend my energy.

And since then, I’ve been learning to trade default goals for desires that are actually mine.

So if clarity doesn’t come easy for you — I get it. I’m still in this process too.

This isn’t what your friends or family want for you.
Not what your industry says you should want.
Not the thing that looks impressive on LinkedIn.

I'm talking about what you really want.
In this season of your life.
In your work.
For your health.
For your relationships.

Because if you don’t know what you really want, it’s nearly impossible to get there.

Or worse, you spend precious time and energy chasing things that don't really matter to you.

Today, we’re going to change that.

You'll walk away from this Grow North Thursday with one simple, powerful tool that helps you cut through the noise — and get clear on what’s really at the root of your desire.

Let’s dig in.

Why clarity is so dang hard (but non-negotiable)

It’s easy to default to vague goals:

“I want to make more money.”
“I want to travel more.”
“I want to grow my business.”

But what does more even mean? And why do you want it?

When we stay at the surface level of describing what we want, we lose the power to make truly aligned decisions. It's like cheating on the test. You're really cheating yourself.

If you want to move toward a meaningful, purpose-driven life and business — this clarity work is where it starts.

The tool: The “5 Whys” Framework

I’m not about fluffy journaling exercises that don’t lead to action. So here’s the tool I want you to try this week.

It’s simple, but don’t underestimate it.

The 5 Whys is a process developed by Sakichi Toyota (yes, that Toyota) to get to the root of problems — but it works just as well for getting to the root of your desires. 

Here’s how to do it:

1. Start by answering this question honestly: What do I really want right now? (Write down whatever comes up first.)
2. Then ask: Why do I want that? (Write the answer.)
3. Ask again: Why is that important to me?
4. Keep going until you’ve asked “why” at least 5 times. (Dig as deep as you can)
5. Notice when the answer shifts from logical to emotional. 💥 That’s where it is! That's the real root of what you want.
    

Example in action

• Surface want:
  “I want to buy a cabin on the lake.”
• Why?
  Because I want a peaceful place to spend time with my family.
• Why is that important?
  Because my kids are getting older, and I’m feeling the time slipping away.
• Why does that matter?
  Because I deeply value quality time and connection, and I’m scared I’m missing it while they’re still under my roof.
• Why do you feel that way?
  Because some of my best memories were made during simple, unrushed time together when I was growing up — and I want to give my kids the same.

💥 The real want isn’t the cabin. The real want is intentional, connected time with family — right now, not someday.

Once you uncover the true desire, you can start aligning your decisions and actions with it. (No mortgage required.)

Example in action

• Surface want:
  “I want to rebrand my business.”
• Why?
  Because I feel like it doesn’t reflect where I’m headed anymore.
• Why does that matter?
  Because I’ve grown a lot — and I want my brand to feel more aligned with who I am now.
• Why is alignment important?
  Because when things feel off, I hesitate to show up. I hold back from marketing and selling.
• Why do you think you hold back?
  Because deep down, I want to feel proud of what I’m putting into the world — not like I’m pretending to be someone I’ve outgrown.

💥 The real want isn’t a rebrand. The real want is permission to evolve — and the confidence to show up fully as you are now.

And once you name that, the decision gets clearer. Maybe it’s not a full rebrand. Maybe it’s giving yourself permission to speak more honestly. Or update your messaging. Or shift your offers.

The clarity guides the right action — not necessarily the biggest or most expensive one.
 

Takeaway

Getting clear on what you really want isn’t a one-and-done process. It’s a skill worth revisiting anytime you feel stuck, scattered, or pulled in too many directions.

Clarity is what makes the next step obvious. 

Here’s one simple way to start this week:

1. Grab a notebook or your Notes app.
2. Write down one thing you think you want right now.
3. Ask yourself “Why?” — 5 times.

Then take it one step further: How can I honor this deeper want today — without waiting for the big, flashy version of it?

It might surprise you how much of what you really want is available to you right now.

I’m always rooting for you. See you again next week.

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If you liked this article, you might also like:

GNT #089: The 4 Career Freedoms You Want
GNT #086: 4 Signs You’re Not Growing Where You Want to Go
GNT #085: Defining Core Values Can Change Your Life

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