GNT #128: Mistaking needs

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read time: 2.5 minutes

A few years ago, I held onto a client far longer than I should have.

The contract was stable. The work was predictable. The revenue felt safe. On paper, it made perfect sense to stay.

But under the surface, something didn’t feel right anymore. The work wasn’t aligned with where I wanted to go. I started feeling restless. Drained. But I kept convincing myself I “needed” the client.

The truth was, I didn’t need that specific client.

I needed what they provided: stability, safety, security.

And I see this play out with so many ambitious, purpose-driven people. We confuse the thing that’s meeting our need… with the need itself.

We think we need the job.

We think we need the business model.

We think we need the relationship.

We think we need the huge audience.

What we actually need is what those things give us: safety, belonging, purpose, control, love.

When we make this mistake, we limit our options and stay stuck far longer than we have to.

In today's newsletter, we're breaking down:

• How to spot when you're mistaking needs
• A simple 3-step exercise to create clarity and open up options
• A small action step to move forward this week—so you can loosen your grip, make better decisions, and move forward with freedom.

Let’s dig in.
 

Where we go wrong

There’s a simple reason we confuse needs with the things that meet them: our brains crave certainty.

In behavioral psychology, this is called loss aversion. We’re wired to fear losing what we have more than we desire gaining something new. Even if the current situation isn’t ideal, it feels predictable—and predictability feels safe.

The longer we stay, the more our identity wraps around it. Shifting feels harder, scarier, riskier... even when we know the payoff might be better on the other side.

Naming the actual need is what breaks the cycle. It gives you back options. And options create freedom.

The 3-Part Reframe

This is the exact process I walk people through when they feel stuck, and I’ve had to work through it myself many times.

1️⃣ Name the thing you think you need.

Start with the surface-level attachment.

Be specific. What do you feel you can’t let go of right now?

The client
The job
The business model
The office
The relationship
The audience
The revenue stream
The thing you feel you can't let go of

2️⃣ Name the real need underneath

Look for the emotion or outcome you’re protecting.

Ask yourself:
“If I lost this tomorrow, what would I be most afraid of losing?”

That’s usually the real need. Examples like:

Safety
Stability
Control
Belonging
Love
Purpose
Recognition
Freedom

3️⃣ Expand your options

The goal isn’t to create unnecessary risk, it’s to expand your options (and your headspace).

What are 2-3 healthier, more aligned ways to meet that same need?

A more sustainable client mix
More control of the calendar
A business model that supports your next season
Support systems that provide emotional safety
New revenue streams that give you stability with less burnout
Lower cost in other areas
Exploring a new hobby that lights your fire
Relationships that give you belonging

Takeaway

Looking back, I can see now that holding onto that client wasn’t really about the client.

It was about feeling safe, about protecting my sense of stability while I figured out where I was going next.

Once I finally named that, once I realized what I actually needed, I could create space for transition and to build new, healthier ways to meet it. And every time I’ve done this since, it’s unlocked more freedom, not less.

That’s what I want for you, too.

What’s one area where you might be clinging to the thing — when it’s really about the need underneath?

I’m always rooting for you. See you next week.

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If you liked this article, you might also like:

GNT #112: Immediacy vs. Power
GNT #098: Attending to the Ending
GNT #089: The 4 Career Freedoms You Want

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