GNT #130: What everyone gets wrong about commitments

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Tired of chasing people down to follow through? There’s a better way, and I wish I had learned it sooner in life.

Most people think commitment is about accountability.

About checking boxes and following up until the job gets done. But what if we’ve had it backwards?

A few years ago, I worked with a client who led leadership training and coaching for some of the most complex, high-stakes construction projects in the world. Think pharmaceutical plants, semiconductor fabs, and hyperscale data centers.

Their sought-after and highly successful leadership training method wasn’t built on accountability. It was built on clarity, ownership, and trust.

Yes, it might sound a little soft, but the feedback said otherwise. One participant told me, “I don’t understand how, but it works.” Another said, “My team culture has completely changed.”

What I learned from this client and the method they taught changed the way I lead, parent, and show up for my own commitments.

Today, I’m sharing a simple shift in how you think about commitments that can reduce frustration and time, build better teams, and increase follow-through, whether you're managing people or just trying to get more traction in your own life.

Let’s dig in. 

The problem with "holding people accountable"

We’ve been trained to believe leadership means keeping people on task and making sure they do what they say.

But when we spend all our energy chasing accountability, we miss the deeper opportunity: empowerment.

- Accountability is what we do to people.
- Commitment is what people do for themselves.

If someone doesn’t own the commitment internally, no amount of follow-up will make it stick.

What I learned about successful commitments

This client worked with teams that managed billion-dollar projects, the kind where a delay or miscommunication could cost millions. So you’d expect rigid processes, tight controls, and constant check-ins, right?

But what they taught these teams was radically different and ultimately more effective. It’s a model called Commitment-Based Leadership that uses intentional language to flip the script on traditional accountability.

Here’s the idea:

Work gets done through a series of clear, voluntary commitments between people, not vague tasks or top-down orders.

Instead of a traditional chain of command where a manager tells people what to do and then holds them accountable, we focus on conversations that create real agreement between two people: a requester and a performer.

There are 4 stages to each commitment:

1. Request: Someone makes a clear ask with a what, by when, and why.
2. Negotiate: The performer can counter, clarify, or push back (yes, it's allowed).
3. Promise: Only when both agree, the commitment is made.
4. Delivery + Follow-Up: The performer keeps the promise and the requester closes the loop with feedback or acknowledgment.

Some key lessons:

• A commitment isn’t a task assigned, it’s a promise accepted (and that's very different)
• Clarity beats urgency. People can only commit when the “what,” “why,” and “when” are clear.
• Public agreements matter. Teams made visible commitments to each other, not just to a manager.

This created a culture where people wanted to follow through, not because they feared a consequence, but because they owned the promise.

This might sound like overkill for small teams, but here’s what it actually creates:

• Ownership, because people are saying “yes” by choice.
• Clarity, because no one walks away with assumptions.
• Trust, because follow-through becomes the norm.

It turns “assignments” into agreements and removes the need for constant checking in or micromanaging.

How I apply it in my work and life

Once I saw how powerful this shift in commitments was, I started using it everywhere, not just in my work with teams, but in daily life too.

Here’s how I apply commitment-based thinking now:

1. Ask for a commitment, don’t assign a task

When I’m working with team members or partners, I don’t say, “I need this by Friday.” Instead, I’ll ask, “Can you take this and own the delivery by Friday?”

It might seem like a small change, but it turns a task into a promise. That language invites them to step into ownership, not just compliance.

At home, I’ve shifted from “You need to clean your room” to “Can I count on you to clean it after dinner?” That sentence creates agreement. And it's crazy how different my kids respond to the latter!

2. Create space for negotiation

One of the most powerful parts of commitment-based thinking is the built-in expectation that people can counter or clarify a request.

I’ll often say: “Here’s what I’m thinking, would Friday work for you?” If it doesn't, we find something doable. That back-and-forth gives people permission to commit honestly. And honest commitments are the ones that get done.

I’ve even done this with my son: “Can you take care of your laundry before bed?” He might say, “I have a project tonight, can I do it tomorrow after school?” I say yes. He does it. We both win!

3. Make it visible

When a commitment is invisible, it’s easy to forget or avoid. So I use shared planners, docs, project tools, and even a whiteboard in my office to write down what was promised and by when.

My husband and I do this at home with a shared calendar. My kids and I do it with sticky notes. It sounds silly, but it makes it real and helps us avoid assumptions.

4. Check in with support, not suspicion

At home, instead of saying “Did you do it yet?” I’ve started asking, “Is there anything in your way?” This changes the energy of the conversation. It’s no longer about catching someone in a miss, it’s about helping them keep their promise.

Or midway through a work project, I’ll check in with, “Still feeling good about Friday?” Often they are. But if they’re not, it opens the door for an honest conversation before something goes off the rails.

Takeaway

Most of us don’t need more follow-up. We need better agreements.

When we shift from assigning tasks to inviting commitments, everything changes. People follow through because they want to, not because they’re chased. There's less miscommunication and trust goes up.

This week, try it for yourself:

• Turn one request into a real agreement
• Ask someone to commit vs. giving them a task
• Say yes only to what you’re actually willing to own.

You’ll be surprised how much smoother life gets when people mean what they promise… including you.

I’m always rooting for you. See you next week.

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GNT #096: The Power of Self-Worth Theory
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