GNT #035: 7 Ways to Help Someone With Anxiety

read time: 3.5 minutes
 

Anxiety disorders will affect nearly 1 in 3 adults, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.

1 in 3.

As you grow your business and your professional network expands, you will run into more people who are secretly... or not so secretly struggling with anxiety.

Ignoring this fact will not only be a disservice to those you interact with, but can also hinder your own personal and professional growth.

In today's world, emotional intelligence is not just a buzzword -- it's a necessity.

Understanding and acknowledging the mental health of those around you – be it your customers, employees, bosses, close tribe, or your community – is integral to cultivating strong, lasting relationships and building a resilient, empathetic business.

Today, we’ll explore 7 ways to help someone with anxiety, and in doing so, create a more supportive, understanding, and ultimately, successful environment for everyone.

(This newsletter was inspired by: Alice Boyes, Ph.D., author of 'The Healthy Mind Toolkit', Judson Brewer, author of 'Unwinding Anxiety,' and my own many years spent in therapy.)

1. Understand everyone feels anxiety differently

Anxiety can manifest differently in different people.

Some might withdraw, some might become irritable, some might just freeze.

For example, when I'm going through an anxiety episode, I tend to suffer in silence and lose emotion (and passion). 

When you realize that anxiety is a survival mechanism designed to put us into a state of threat sensitivity, it's easier to understand someone who may be acting out of character, and to find compassion.

Understanding the patterns of someone's anxiety can help you support them.

2. Tailor your support to the individual

We all have our own language of support. 

Some prefer practical help, however, others need a listening ear.

If you know that someone prefers practical support, you could try, "Let's break down what you need to do into smaller steps."

If they prefer emotional support, a simple, "I'm here for you, no matter what" can make all the difference.

If you feel close enough to the individual, ask what kind of support they prefer if you don't already know.

3. Help them use their own insight

If someone is aware of their anxiety and trusts you as a support person in their life, help them recognize when their anxiety-driven patterns are occurring.

A simple, "Do you think your stress about the work meeting tomorrow is affecting your mood?" can be eye-opening.

(If you're going to do this, it's a good idea to have permission first.)

4. Help them temper their thinking

Encourage them to consider the best, worst, and most likely scenarios for a situation they're anxious about.

For example, you could ask, "What's the worst that could happen? What’s the best that could happen? What’s most realistic or likely?"

You don't need to reassure that their fears won't come to pass or dismiss them, but it's more useful to focus on their coping ability. Help them see their strength and ability to cope with any situation.

For example, "That would be really tough to go through if that was the case, but you'd deal with it."

Learn more about cognitive-behavior therapy.

5. Offer support, but don't take over

Avoidance is common with anxiety.

So we might feel compelled to "help out" by doing things to support.

But, it’s important to help someone without inadvertently reinforcing their anxiety avoidance instinct.

Also, trying to "fix the situation" can unintentionally send the message that you don't believe in their ability to handle the situation, which can further erode their confidence.

For example, if your colleague is anxious about making a phone call, instead of making the call for them, you could offer to sit with them while they make the call.

The reminder here is that we're supporting by helping someone to help themselves. Not doing things for them.

6. Avoid stigmatizing

Don't minimize, treat someone differently or make assumptions because of their anxiety.

Example: Don't exclude them from social events or professional opportunities because you assume they won't be able to handle it.

Reassure them that your overall perception of them hasn't changed and encourage them to stay connected to positive aspects of their identity.

For example, you could say, "I know you're going through a tough time, but you're still the same amazing person to me."

7. Always take care of yourself first

Remember that your goal is to help, not to cure the person or relieve them from their anxiety. That's not your job.

Taking on too much responsibility is actually a symptom of anxiety. 

Set boundaries and take care of your own well-being first.

Seek help if you need it. It's critical to have your own support system in place before focusing on others (put your oxygen mask on first).

Takeaway

Be patient. Supporting someone with anxiety is a delicate task, but it is incredibly important.

Keep in mind your support doesn't have to be focused on anxiety. Exercise, for example, can be wonderful for anxiety. Perhaps you could simply offer to go for a walk together?

Thank you for fostering an environment where mental health is acknowledged, understood, and supported.

I'm grateful for you!

See you next week.

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